While you are sucking the white out of a swiss roll on a cold mountain or shit thats been happening.

Sometimes being a bookkeeper is awesome, while really wanting to read something the urge to write pushes me. The problem is what the fuck am I supposed to write about? I start with the title for this post, reach the full stop and the devil and his bastard spawn walk into the store…

swiss roll bw

A cute little lady asks for a thriller killer that has not been released, I check and let her know that it is not yet released and get a call from a publisher who I called earlier to get some questions answered. I finish with the call and apologize to the lady that I was doing some “business” talk and take her books to write out a bill. One of the books the girl picked an exceptional non fiction book Monkey Girl by Edward Humes. I ask her what she does, call it what you might we do this when the customers taste catches our attention. She says she works for fuckkart (devil spawn minion), I stop writing the bill and look up at her,  not with hate, just a wee bit of rage. I ask her what she does, she replys somegobbeldygookcorporatetitle (basically getting sellers-OMG was this a covert courtship visit from the devils spawn, fuckkart was started as a clone of amagon, by two former amagon minions, ironic?).

I tell the lady that it is commendable that despite working for fuckkart they are in a bookstore buying books. The lady says of course, we read, we visit book stores, we buy books. I warm up to the lady, I say that you guys are human beings too, the lady scoffs and says my you are being really gracious. The lovely little devil spawn minion then asks me to ask her friend what she does for a living? I look at the lady, she says she works for amagaon (devil minion), doing what, somefuckingthingtodowithamagaon’s swindle – fuck me silly, just when you think you have seen everything, shit gets better.

Now the thing with this unique situation is that shit does not get better than this, real life bordering the absurd (not really absurd, these guys walked in to buy books, or did they?). I say wow, we should totally go out and get some beers and shoot industry crap (yes, I am a slut, totally – I have asked the devil’s minion and a devil minion spawn out for drinks together, picture Alex from the awesome A Clockwork Orange debauching with two delinquents) The lady asks me when I shut down, I tell her our usual closing time and given the particular uniqueness of the situation, I was willing to close early. The lady says no, its a Sunday we do not want to do that for your sales, I say fuck it, we’ve had a good day and I would like a drink. I go as far as saying I would get some beers for the ladies which we could drink at the store (usually a privilege reserved for special occasions for employees only) the ladies say no, well do it some other time (OK).

I then ask the devil minion if she would like some book suggestions, I am quite good at my job and customers usually take 1 or two of three suggestions – I may not be an efficient algorithm – but I could suggest some really good books. She says ok, I select three books and ask her if I should go on (I could, totally) she says no stop, you have picked a winner – A map for lost lovers by Nadeem Aslam(did she really want the book or did she just want to take a book, give me some money and get the fuck out of this weird situation?) Her bill came to a bit under our limit for a discount, she said she was fine with that.

Devil spawn minion sees a drum set (that we use for our outreach program) and asks if I play the drums, I say no, we use it for our outreach program for society, which is more that what either fuckkart or amagon do, the lady said something in agreement (which I choose not to share over here for you my dear reader). The ladies promise to come back for a drink some other time as they had a prior commitment (hah) while saying bye to the ladies I see a man who was together with them, I could not help but ask him where he works – hey shit can get stranger than this, he says some web company selling diapers or something. I introduce my self to the man, smile at the ladies and ask them to come by the store again, they smile and say they will.

Weird shit has been happening while you are sucking the white out of a swiss roll on a cold mountain, yes you.

Peace Out!


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