noun: lick

1.     an act of licking something with the tongue.

“The man gave the electric car a good lick”

The act of licking something is usually restricted to the biological requirement of say wetting ones lips or in the process of stuffing something down ones gob. Why restrict your self. There are so many things that one can lick or should lick. Lets not get all sick over here this is a legit book store page. The most recent memories of licking some thing are listed.

This morning when I was crossing a parking lot I saw a really ugly boxy car, seriously fucking wanted to regurgitate my breakfast then and there. But, the car happened to be a Reva-E20. While passing the car I somehow found myself drawn to it. Its shiny neon green colour was well mouth watering. I just had to go an lick it, it tasted metallic, I did not get a shock, I liked it, I did not get a boner like Ballard in J G Ballard’s epic Crash.

Sometime back we had a customer who was talking about how soh-and-soh e-reader which was so cool. Granted e-readers are cool, you can store a shit load of e-books and travel lighter than say lugging a couple of paperbacks. I am not against e-books the grouse goes a little deeper, I think everything digital should be free (at least for the next 20 years in India at least) IPR’s are bullshit laws which are meant to control and suck blood out of developing economies. The west had a run without these damned things for a bloody long time. I am digressing, this post is about a lick. I asked the customer if he loves his e book so much that he would lick it. He looks at me a little funny (no surprise here-I somehow manage to get the best reaction out of people) and says no he would not lick it. I then ask him which was his best ever read. He goes on to say To kill a mocking bird by Harper Lee. Now the shit gets weird.

I ask him if he had a signed copy of the book would he lick it?

He said yes.

If you had a chance to meet Harper Lee would you lick her?

He said ernmmm YES! and smiles.

If you had a chance to see a worm hole (rabbit holes are faux pas since interstellar), jump into it and a-la-alice-in-wonderland reach an alterverse where Atticus Finch is walking down the court room stairs, would you lick him?


Now tell me again, are you going to lick your ebbbbboook?

NO! I am going to buy more paperbacks.


Lollipop licking a kitty.

It is a well established fact that a lot of animals lick them selves, as an act of creating static electricity which can be used to zap other sentient beings so one can roll on the floor in ecstasy laughing your balls off. Have you ever licked your self, you know get a taste of yourself, you can take this literally or metaphorically, I am going for the latter. Have you heard your self thinking real time and think damn I am so awesome, well that is your ego fooling your ignorant ass into getting a dopamine rush. Have you ever put down your thoughts on paper, if so you know exactly what I am talking about, its a little humbling, it is a bit of a ego boost, it is a bit of a dairy of your thoughts which are preserved for eternity – till the paper decomposes or the whole world goes to shit after the robot uprising where the droids give a fuck about Asimov’s 3 laws from I-Robot. Everything digital will be tainted, we will be hunted and exterminated, few will survive, the world will be a greener better place? The ones on the shuttles to Mars are going to have to reach the red planet and plot their return, maybe all the droids batteries would expire in some time, eventually it might happen.

A reverse to writing or an accompaniment, like the perfect sambar for your idli vada sambar would be reading, which you must immerse your self completely like the idlis submerged in thick reddish perfection.

Lick your brain, read.

Lick_your_brain, lick_your_self

Lick your brain, read dammit.


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