Es muss sein.

Lets face it, we are animals restricted by the limitations of what society deems acceptable. Let yourself go, sometimes it is just required. There are all kinds of barriers that are going to come in the way… A whole bunch of dudes in between that one dudette that you want to get down an dirty with, there will be the cock blockers, there will be the nay sayers, there will be the friends who will say “whoijyoo you are on a dating site?” the shame, lets not even begin with relatives.

So once you get past the initial speed bump where do you go? Say a “banging” app (in the words of one of my less eloquent friends) Should you cruise sexaholics anonymous meeting in your city a-la-Choke by Chuck Palahniuk. Follow the escapades of Victor Mancini. Take up work in a theme park where pretty much everyone is fucked up and wired to the brim, been there done that.

choke_Chuck Palahniuk_goobes

Choke Novel by Chuck Palahniuk

Or perhaps the narrator James Ballard in J. G. Ballard’s Crash, where a bunch of people get of only within the confines of an auto accident, or in close proximities of one. I had a car phase, which i seriously think i am not over. Come on who does not want to go at it when it is pouring so heavily that no one gives a fuck to look inside a car by the side of the road, or perhaps if you find a suitable partner in crime, you have a driver while you can go at it?


Novel by J. G. Ballard

The next level is sublime, take Tomas from The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera, who is a 40 year old surgeon living in Prague. He even has a rule of three’s (no it has nothing to do with threesomes). “Either you see a woman three times in quick succession and then never again, or you maintain relations over the years but make sure that the rendezvous are at least three weeks apart”

Despite being married he continues an endless string of encounters and has a justification for it. Making love with a woman and sleeping with a woman are two separate passions, not merely different but opposite. Love does not make itself felt in the desire for copulation (a desire that extends to an infinite number of women) but in the desire for shared sleep (a desire limited to one woman).”

Our main man Thomas is not some sex crazed dude, he goes on to explain how there are two types of womanisers.

1. The epic womaniser – The epic womanizers curiosity collectors, interested in all women because all women are unique. Tomas falls into this category. Every time he has sex with a different woman, he has collected something unique from the world.

2. The lyrical womaniser – The lyrical one seek their own ideal of the perfect woman, never find her, and are consistently disappointed.

Power and control also play a huge part in Tomas’s escapades. Each one begins with Tomas commanding the woman to “strip” In this book the sex bit is always about being in control, its never about equality. Thomas is always in control.

His es muss sein is something that he is in no control of.

This is interesting in two ways. First, it means that we have another reason to not judge Tomas for his endless philandering; it is just part of his nature. Second, it means that Tomas’s womanizing isn’t a happy-go-lucky lifestyle of lightness; it’s rooted in the weight of fate and compulsion.

This book is fucking awesome on so many different levels, you need to check it out pronto.

Es muss sein.


The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Novel by Milan Kundera


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